The joining of masculine and feminine energies.
She heard a voice while searching for a sign in the woods that closed her throat in on itself like a black hole swallowing matter. It sucked her breath, her umbilical cord to source. The alchemy of longing changed to feeling. All grown up, she waved the white flag to no one among the silence in the trees, her heart open, revealing to the space her fear that he was only in the vivid hues of imagination.
All this time selecting, grading, discarding, she turned herself into a miner. Infatuation was all a matter of perspective as she snapped up, documented and filed the moments through her left eye. The view from the high rise was the same as the view from the lake. She became a key collector.
Daily, her ritual bath was self-awareness. Doing what was filtered into her imagination, she knew.
Can she change her last name to Hope? It resided in her thoughts where truth murders time and expectation dances with faith. She’s known this is the place only she can go – never looking back like Orpheus did and never wearing a watch. At least this way she could blame it on their individual mission statements and the IPO.
Is this the last time she cries for the love only held through conversations with Mr. Rogers? Relief comes in the stillness, the knowing, that he will find her.
As sculptors, they created each other. They were detectives searching for the seed planted by children force fed a diet of judgement. At the end of the day, she drew him from the mountain, home to rest his head upon her breast. Who is with you at the end of the day is what matters. Thought bubbles held songs that shaped her upbringing and he read them like a comic strip. She listened to his ideas, connections, contemplation, confessions and worries. He was only waiting to hear her voice. She talked of her gratitude, her forgiveness, her knowing, and confessed her fears.
Everyday they walked in the woods, showing each other the signs, drinking the nectar of the gods.
And on the 9th day, Beatrice heard the tree, “Sing. Sing not for the sense but sing for my breath, my life. Our soul.”
Today, it was announced that researchers at CERN discovered a particle that is in line with the “God particle” Higgs believed to be at the core of the Theory of Everything… It explains why matter has a mass. Pretty cool stuff.
Before this discovery, it was just a theory… An idea… Somethig floating in the ether with no proof to ground it to reality.
Isn’t that what all dreams are?
I’ve always been a dreamer. I have always lived in my own mind, and as Lyle Lovett says, ain’t nothin but a good time. My mom has been my sounding board for most of these ideas and she always, without a doubt, thought I was crazy and that it couldn’t happen. I think it always surprises her when my dreams come true.
The bottom line is we are here for a limited time. With our dreams, it is like some people see there is an expiration date on the milk, but ignore it… Nah, there’s time.
I see two reasons why my dreams come true:
1. I visualize whatever it is happening… And I get a little bit obsessed with it. I work tirelessly toward fulfilling that dream.
2. I believe it can happen. I have faith.
A dream of mine is coming true tomorrow as I teach my new Creative Process Yoga class at The Crow Collection of Asian Art. I get to fulfill more of my purpose to teach about the creative process and yoga.
I see the expiration date but I’m not fighting against it… today. Today, the “God particle” was brought down to reality and I watched several mindless clips on YouTube… really. I think everything is right in the world.
Getting behind the wheel is something that gives me a feeling of freedom… the car door is like the door to a secret passage way that you KNOW will lead you to adventure. I packed up my car with my dog in the backseat, Joseph Campbell and Kahlil Gibran audiobooks, two new music albums and headed from Texas to Colorado with hope. I’m not sure what I was hopeful for or hoping would happen but I was inspired to the very core of my soul. My sense of sound was bathed in truth by these sonic muses as a new awareness permeated my being.
Back when I started training to be a yoga teacher, I sold my TV because I didn’t want it as a distraction from the work I felt ready to do. I decided to follow my bliss and figure out what I could do to help make the world a better place. I felt a strong calling and I needed to use my time wisely. This trip taught me that I was consumed with my work and it became an easy way to hide from love by making myself busy.
The time in the car helped me see my television addiction just shifted to Twitter, Facebook, YouTube, & Instagram. What was my motivation for all this checking in? I wanted to connect with more people but instead I avoided connecting to the silence and depth of my love. Afraid of my own sensitivity, I used my library card.
I can’t wait to get back into teaching this week so I can keep having the conversations that really matter to me. I start my new Creative Process Yoga class when I do a month-long residency at The Crow Collection of Asian Art in Dallas. My hope is to provide space for deeper listening and honesty with this class… Both for myself and my students.
The Mat Yoga Studio is where I teach one of my babies – the training program, Advanced Yoga Studies. I was at their event, Karma Yoga Happy Hour, when the video crew asked to do an interview with me. I didn’t know what I had to say except that The Mat is a beautiful place to work because of the people there – but they pulled so much more out of me about AYS. I guess we can call this a promo for AYS – Katie and I talk about it at 2:40 or so. You may want to check out the end because I show some dance moves as poetic as Elaine from Seinfeld and her thumb dance.
We are all on a hero’s journey. Some of us know what we seek and others are completely unaware they are living a life of purpose. Joseph Campbell wrote a book called A Hero with a Thousand faces that outlines the myth of the hero. You can think of it as if your life is a book and you are the hero of the book. The hero changes the world. The hero helps others. The hero lives an extraordinary life.
In order to live this type of larger-than-life myth, the hero is put through a series of tests that give him the wisdom he needs to continue on his path. He learns the truths of the universe.
There is usually a refusal to go once he has been called on the adventure of life. Typically, he is in a place of comfort and security and he knows by moving outside of his comfort zone, there will be the void of the unknown. At least there is a nice little graphic that can help navigate the process.
The more we deny our purpose and ignore the call… the more we convince ourselves we want to live our lives according to our own plans, the more we suffer. Suffering can come in the form of bad relationships, illness, a desire to numb out, or distractions of any kind.
When we practice surrendering, we can observe how much we are clinging to our own ideals. We want to get closer to universal truth and further away from ego and mind-constructs. A practice that helps with this is Yin and Restorative yoga. The best pose I’ve found to notice how to surrender is Balasana, or Child’s Pose: Come to all fours, lower hips to heels, forehead comes to floor, hands move beside body, palms face up. As you breathe, notice the gripping within the muscles of the legs… the face… the shoulders. Practice letting go.
Are you in the water
or on the shore?
Do you navigate
or do you stand?
Because navigation is, itself,
taking a stand.
The answer isn’t wrong
The truth lives in your sole
as you find your wings
an essence in the unseen.
The melodic aching of her soul’s longing
Comes in waves
Pluck from her tree
The taste of one great love
She, a firecracker
Icarus was he
But fly they must
Through divine inquiry.
I feel blessed. This week, I take my Advanced Yoga Studies students on their graduation retreat to Playa del Carmen.
I’ve been meditating on what to teach and I’m thrilled to say we will be exploring several ideas:
Don’t Hold Back – Show Us Who You Are
Are You Fiercely Loving?
Inspire & Be Inspired – The Light Within
The Soundtrack to Your Mind
I can’t wait to share the space with you guys… This is going to be fun!!
After I re-apply my melted face from the show, I lay awake in my hammock listening to music through my headphones. I remember the moment my boyfriend introduced me to an intimate stereo sonic experience – I was hooked. The way a stereo sound evokes the imagination is like the difference between being friends and lovers. Then, my next boyfriend sat me down in his “listening chair” and through his super-duper-amazing Naim speakers, I saw an entire symphony in the space of sound. The waves came from the speakers and somehow each wave placed itself strategically as if the band was performing in his listening room. It was crazy.
I was never really into live music (except blues and jazz) until recently. The idea of listening to songs with a bunch of strangers wasn’t my idea of fun. It wasn’t so much a statement of the crowd or the performers but more of an acknowledgement of my anxiety in big crowds.
What I’ve come to realize is I’m less interested in a performance and more interested in witnessing creative process as it unfolds. The former is fun while the latter is spiritual. The performance art outside the Kessler was both performance and creative process. The performances inside the Kessler were both performance and creative process. Ahh, the bliss!
My life is fun and spiritual. I aim to live both aspects to their fullest extent and Saturday night was an idealized version of that goal. I witnessed creative process through performance art in two venues – inside and outside The Kessler in Dallas. I won’t even go into the details but suffice it to say my heart was broken open and my face was melted off.
As I listen to my music tonight in bed, I am reminded of the power of connection. I’m grateful.
I, too, had a series of small strokes that left me with double vision and debilitating headaches. My left eye could no longer move and I had resigned myself to always rely on other people to take care of me – a huge feat for a person who craves solitude and independence. I was sad. I was depressed. I needed help taking myself to the bathroom. My life looked so much different than what I had dreamed of as a little girl.
To cheer me up, I was given art supplies because I had said in passing, “I always wanted to be an artist.” I never took lessons but I discovered how to play and tap into the rhythm of oil painting. It was the biggest gift I had been given – relief from the pain, joy from expression, and a love of color that still charms me today.
The creative process is what healed me back to my version of normal (notice I didn’t say “normal” but “my version of normal” because I am definitely a little off-center)… but this time, I had a mission – to live a creative life and teach others how to heal themselves through creative process.
My mind seeks connection in its isolation so I seek to find ways of joining things together. Yoga was the best medium I found for joining people to a deeper connection within and outside of themselves. My teachers always talked about energy in class. Though I understood its meaning in an abstract way, I couldn’t stop thinking about the E in Einstein’s Theory of Relativity. I’ve re-imagined his theory to show how our lives and connection to source/spirit/universe can be enhanced through simple conscious breathing and movement as a meditation. I found conscious breathing is the single most beneficial thing we can do to enhance brain function, spiritual connection and overall wellness. So I need a platform to share this with more people.
I decided I wanted to give my own TED talk so I applied and was accepted to audition a 5 minute talk at TEDxSMU. I learned so much about myself, my expectations, my hopes, my dreams and my desire to communicate effectively. The stillness was palpable when the crowd was observing their senses.
This was an experience I will always treasure despite it being a horrible record of my public speaking skills. I couldn’t remember any of my jokes or any of the points I wanted to make. All in all, I sucked but at least I can say I did it.
He awakened me in Spring. His vision standing brought feeling that needed to be penetrated to be understood. Only by going deep into the now does one understand why. Choppy and rough was my demeanor with Bacchus leading the way to ceremonies. Preparation was in my hands and the only mystery was that of timing as each guard placed around the home left.
Creativity is my life and he wore a comforting glow of familiarity. His hair and lips I want to touch with full consciousness and presence, though I know nothing of love. Desire’s trumpeting gaze took hold of me and I crave more.
The pit of longing, belonging and rapture sit in my stomach while serpents swallow each other’s tails into my thoughts, digesting.
Disservice mounted this hero’s steed and rode into the sunrise with a hint of lingering appreciation.
I’m giving away free hugs to hundreds of yogis as I teach during One Love Dallas (I promise to shower and wear deodorant) but Lululemon is giving away some groovy schwag to the 108th person to register for One Love.
We will be doing 108 sun salutations for charity at the AT&T Performing Arts Center on April 28. Find out more!
What is Yin Yoga? It is a passive style of yoga designed to guide the practitioner into a state of bliss.
We increase parasympathetic nervous system tone by holding relaxing poses between 3 and 15 minutes each, allowing the muscles to stretch and the connective tissue to open.
This practice is perfect for anyone looking to relieve stress… yes, that means it is perfect for you. 🙂
It was a glorious Spring day when I found myself laying down, looking at the clouds drift through expansive sky-space. I noticed grey dots and wavy lines in between my eyes and my vision of the sky. The more I tried to look into the lines, the further they moved away. These are called “floaters”.
Interesting facts about these floaters:
– they cast shadows on the retina
– they are easier to see on a clear blue sky
– when we try to look directly at one, they move
Though we all develop floaters at some point, they become more prominent as we age, and none of our floaters look exactly alike.
I was thinking about how this related to my life and my vision of my life…
What are the floaters in my life? What seems just beyond my grasp? What is casting a shadow on my ability to see clearly?
This week, I will approach my life with more clarity as I set an intention to develop one-pointed vision and soften through the periphery.
There is a man who pushes a cart around the neighborhood, collecting cans from recycle bins. I’m assuming he is homeless. He’s become as familiar as my next door neighbor with his routine stop in front of my house and we always wave, give the obligatory smile, and the neighborly exchange of conversational pleasantries.
At first, I felt pity for this man… how it must feel to not have a home… how he must be living in fear. My ability to project my own fears of survival on this man led me to see there is no indication from him that he is afraid. He actually seems quite happy as he delivers a nugget of wisdom in conversation, “You deserve the truth.”
Then I felt envious of his reality – time is simply measured by sunlight. He need not wear a watch as he is free to do anything with his time. The watch is my albatross. Freedom exists in the mind and reality is what we make of it.
I aim to live more like this man – wandering with the sun as my guide, wondering with my shadow behind.
Perfume of coffee and taste of unshaven legs… the anticipation of art as a container for infinite expression. How does a shadow dance? Where do glances fall? As she approached the tarmac, she wasn’t yet cleared for landing. Baited in breath, the path became clear. There is something rich in mistaken identity as the winter’s trees pretend to have no protection. Just as in every theory, it has yet to be proven.
Her shade was taken away so the sun was in connection – more directly this time. Who was it? Where is that voice?
Belief – faith, even – is what resonates. Recalling bleeding retinas, her grandfather hadn’t warned her about looking into the sun. She assumed it was necessary to go into the light – to bathe in the rays of glorified nothingness.
To become who you truly are and imbibe power beyond form is what creates discernment. Just as the clouds scraped the rays from her skin, she exhaled. Guilt became an extension in the call directory of her thoughts; the number rarely dialed. This unwavering disregard for punishment along the gallows resulted in a sensation between her shoulder blades. What would she do with this new sense of freedom?
She put in place a policy of truth-seeking and truth-speaking that became the touchstone in her future conversations that always pierced into the essence of now. Ultimately, she was her own beneficiary and time an imagined jaded lover. She became provocative… pro-active. Gentle in her approach, the blending of creative energies was her offering.
It’s been quite some time since I posted a playlist. Tuesday’s Open Flow class was special for me because I was thinking about how I’ve been inspired by beautiful art and performances recently.
I wanted to bring forward an exciting energy to help us get closer to our human desires and ultimate longing. I posed the question, “What is your purpose?” I’m interested in those dreams you fear are too big to be uttered… those things you pictured doing when you were a kid… the ideal life you know you are meant to lead.
I think it was 1999 and I was watching a rehearsal on the SNL set. Lorne Michaels’ office is at the top of the seats and there were two kids hanging out there. I introduced myself and learned that one was Lorne’s son and the other was Paul Simon’s. They were on a baseball team together and Paul Simon’s kid said when he grows up, he wants to colonize the moon. Really. That was his dream.
Some of us know exactly what we are supposed to be doing with our lives and some of us aren’t even sure where to begin in writing life’s mission statement.
I’ve always known I wanted to be a teacher. I’ve always known I wanted to be an artist. I’ve always known my main goal is happiness. I was not, however, always true to that vision. I adhered to a standard of what was expected of me. I lived my life through the lens of another’s expectation. Then everything changed and I kept my focus on what I truly want, re-defining the means to get there along the way. The path isn’t always clear but I do keep stepping, even when it seems like the next step my lead me off a cliff. It’s ok, if I fall, I know how to use my wings to land safely again.
What makes you happy? Joseph Campbell calls it “Follow Your Bliss” and how beautiful is that notion? You possess the bliss already… you just have to follow the path.
The thing that unites us is love. It is our highest calling. Love is the best we can possibly be. It is a presence, an openness, a vulnerability, a doing… it is a way of being. We can think about this pretty easily as we’ve all loved and been loved before. But are we fully living up to love’s standard of equality and infinite capacity? If I were to gather an accurate picture of how much I am fully, 100% loving, I am sad to say that far too often, fear and judgement make guest appearances in the sitcom of my mind. We can make it a practice – practice love. Practice acceptance.
We’ve all built up ways of protecting our hearts and hiding from our co-created destiny. But it is time. It is time for us to live! It is time to live our lives inspired. It is time to watch our dreams come true.
All. of. Us.
Sending you love. 🙂
Ever wondered why a song gets stuck in your head?
Inspire me beyond illusion
In the space where
we are both seen
Taming the wild dream
Love into your vision
Let’s tie you up
in my apron strings
I’ve been asked by hundreds of people about yoga privates for creatives. OK, that is a lie… no one has asked me about that but I have found that as an artist, my yoga practice is the single most valuable thing that helps me remain creative.
I am now offering custom privates for any creative professional who would like to light their creative fire again, find peace of mind, or just relax while on the road or traveling.
Creative Process Privates – Designed for the musician, artist, or creative professional who is looking to find their muse again. The privates are custom-designed for the artist’s needs and goals to include yoga poses, mindfulness techniques, meditations, and guided relaxation. The sessions are recorded so they can be taken while traveling.
Email trina at treenuh dot com for more information.
What is faith?
My journey into answering this question started with the observation that for most of my life, I was living in fear. Fear of not being loved, fear of not being good enough, fear of not being pretty, fear of speaking my mind, fear of heights… the list goes on. So if I am living in fear, I need to understand how to turn the other way. What is the opposite of fear?
I sought counsel from one of my teachers who said, “There is a net beneath you. Let go. You will be caught.” I don’t know how much I believed her but I wanted to go straight into feeling my fear to see what is on the other side. I needed a goal to bring me face to face with fear, so I decided to conquer my fear of heights by flying on a circus trapeze.
I stood there at the bottom of the rig, analyzing every detail of how this whole thing could go wrong. The ladder could break. The net could be poorly attached to the bars and I could fall to my death. The person catching me could drop me, sending me head-first into a tree (I have flown from a trampoline head-first into a tree so this one wasn’t so irrational). Just thinking about the experience is making my palms sweat. I climbed 32 feet up this wobbly ladder onto a platform, and as I held the bar, ready to jump off the ledge, I realized I have to have faith in order to jump. Faith that everyone who put the rig together did it properly…. faith that my trapeze partner will catch me. Then I looked down and saw the net. Funny how life works.
I flew through the air and when I landed safely in the net, I exhaled and thought of all the agony I put myself through by listening to my fear.
What fears am I listening to in my life? I wanted to share my passion for yoga but I was afraid I wasn’t good enough to be a teacher. When I got home from the trapeze experience, I signed up for a yoga teacher training program. If I had not acknowledged my fear, I never would have had the faith in myself to sign up for the training.
Faith is mysterious and sometimes ellusive. Faith is knowing there is a net. Faith is knowing we are exactly where we need to be.
Are you ready to jump?
How often do you think about what you are grateful for? Me? Not as much as I would like. I’m too busy moving forward, trying to accomplish something, be something, or learn something that sometimes I forget to get down into the mushy gushy love that is my life.
Today’s yoga class was about abundance. What if we aren’t glass-half-full nor glass-half-empty kind of people? What if our cup runneth over? When we spend time counting our blessings and being in the moment it sure is easier to love with a full, over-flowing heart.
You guys brought it today, rocked it out and made me feel even more love for life… thank you!
Last night, one of my students offered a toast as we celebrated the end of our 100 hour educational journey, “Even when you think you aren’t making a difference in someone’s life, you are.” Of course, I start crying because it hit me first like a pin into a pin cushion, then like a freight train with the realization this is what I am trying to do.
I want to make a difference. Yoga is the best tool I have found for bringing people together… and I want more people to feel connected. I want to connect to as many people as possible.
Making something ancient and esoteric into something approachable and applicable to modern life has been a beautiful process. Looking over all my lesson plans, my notes, recorded classes, manuals, research, etc., it is evident that I have loved the process of unearthing my ideas.
It was so much fun celebrating the two-year anniversary with The Mat Yoga Studio and all our students. At noon, I taught a fun class and this was the playlist. For those of you making a playlist at home, the class begins with Firecracker.
For the 6:30 Open Flow and Meditation classes, we brought in The Sound and the Meaning for a live music yoga class. If you haven’t done yoga to live music, you are missing something Uh-freaking-may-zeeeeeng!! Do you remember the first time you kissed someone? It is similar… filled with unfamiliar sensations and once finished, you REALLY want more.
Taylor says, “I still have a smile on face due to last night’s class. Practicing yoga between Trina’s style and live music was a memory made. Taking in the music while moving my body was extremely pleasurable and I feel blessed I was able to experience such….. Coolness.”
There you have it – she says it was cool…. besides our moms, not many people say that. We will take it! Gravy.
… and we decided live music + yoga is ALMOST as good as sex… almost.
Yes, I am the kind of person who stops to smell roses… I enjoy the drinking of nectar from life’s fruits. There are times, though, when I seem to be the nail and life seems to be the hammer continuously teaching me a painful lesson. Perhaps the bleeding from my skull should be and indication that it is time to make a change… Time to stop wanting more and time to inhale the fragrance of this moment. If we can all accept that everything is temporary, why do we want to extend the good times and get away from the darkness in life?
My job affords me the opportunity to meet amazing men and women who share such a sacred space with little ol me. I had a moment in class this morning when I realized I am over flowing with gratitude to be able to teach yoga the way I do to the people I do. Each of my students touches me in such a profound and special way and I am forever grateful. It is moments like this I want to sustain… I want to contain… I want to name… As if documenting it makes it more real… As if sharing it in this forum and with friends and family helps me inhale its perfume just a weeeeeee bit longer…
I am content with that illusion.
Live recording of the class I taught on 10-14-11 at The Mat Yoga Studio. This is a Vinyasa class – all levels. We talked about the heart as a light, your life as a map, following your dreams, and questioned if we REALLY believe things are as they should be.
Raindrops have marching orders
Falling in line.
All mistresses of the Infinite.
A yellow marker along the human experience.
The story you are about to read is completely true. All names have been changed to protect those with a guilt-ridden grin turning up their rosy cheeks.
Bob: When was the last time you kissed someone?
Me: Someone tried to kiss me Thursday.
Bob: What do you mean someone tried? Do you not like kissing? Kissing is good.
Me: I love kissing – it just has to feel right.
Bob: Do you think you could ever be in love with me?
Me: There is no way I can know that after 10 minutes of knowing you.
Bob: Sure there is. Maybe yes or maybe no.
Me: I haven’t a clue.
Bob: Can I impregnate you?
Persephone dreamed of a man she had seen.
Sounds of a soul
The face, a cerulean hue.
A week ago, I was out walking and came across this pond. It seemed magical as I looked at it from the shore. It is as if the pond wanted to insulate itself with this covering… a security blanket adding an aura of solidarity, protecting the fragile and sensitive nature of the water.
Algae is the most basic natural food source in a pond and helps balance the entire ecosystem. If there was no algae, the food system would fall apart.
I think sometimes we feel that if we don’t have our blanket of security to distance us from true heart and spirit connection, we would fall apart. The truth is, we want to appear strong as a survival instinct. Beneath all the layers, we all just want to be loved.
Last night, something shifted as I lay awake at 2am, listening to music. I questioned my beliefs. I thought about my attachments. There was a time when I wanted to learn what was important to me. I moved into my run down art studio – it didn’t have a kitchen or a shower and was probably 100 square feet or something. I became keenly aware of what I needed and was able to see and feel my attachments to things. Turns out I don’t need that love letter from my ex but I do want the book my grandpa read to me as a little girl. We get to choose what we keep from our past. There is something symbolic about letting the physical go – we shift the energy. We make space.
This afternoon, I cut about one foot off my hair. Thoughts of identity, labels, femininity, love crossed my mind as the scissors sheared through my attachments and released freedom. Liberation and I embraced.
The funny part – that I only realized afterward – is my mom called me two days ago. She and my brother were watching the Cowboys vs. Redskins football game. When I was 3 or so, I cut my hair EXTREMELY short when these two teams played each other. Every year, they call me to tell me to hide my scissors.
“Yoga is a tool to help us connect to the Creative Source.”
Earth waits for her lover to whisper a new season on her breast. The breeze is hinting at change; a softening of the air that graces Earth’s skin. Sky makes love to the horizon – the unattainable vision of unity out of division. Her body aches as she lay in silent breath.
Come to me, my lover. Breathe light inside me. All at once, devour me – enlighten me – frighten me – become me. My womb is your grave.
What does it mean to realize the Self? I enjoy the idea of realizing instead of finding – it lends my mind to the idea of presence. I see a look of awe on my face with my eyes slightly turned upward… a sigh as slight and soft as a lover’s touch. Sinking into the back body of feminine faith, I fall into the arms of earth and float through the air of time. Deep wisdom as I embody light. Speaking what I hear, heart opening to tears… knowing love.
At some point, I woke up and wondered if I could take better care of myself. I vowed to concentrate the efforts usually given to another toward care for me. I am now in a relationship with myself. I was quite happy about my private declaration but I thought I would make it public by announcing it through Facebook. FB has this cute little option where you can declare cyber-love for another so I opted to choose myself as my own relationship status. FB says I cannot create a relationship with myself. Really? I am in a deeply committed relationship with myself and FB doesn’t recognize it. No fair.
One of the inherent gifts of a relationship with another is that you get to engage in a very present spiritual practice. People trigger other people. Other people bring up your insecurities, doubts, fears, attachments, and desire to be right. There is duality. There is a vacillating motion seeking balance. There is a subject and an object.
Life with Daisy (my dog) is beautiful and peaceful. We are constantly in a state of bliss. She never triggers me but what she does do is keep me in a state of being open in my heart. This is a practice I can’t do alone – I believe love is something you do. There is a subject who is loving and an object that is being loved.
So perhaps FB is right, relationships require subject and object, too. What I hope to experience in this life is a state of loving that doesn’t require subject nor object… Non-Duality Lovin’. Simply by contemplating non-duality, it is within a state of duality. The rational mind cannot comprehend this state – reality must be pierced… it must be experienced. 🙂 The ultimate balance isn’t in the shift side to side but in the Creative state as conduit… straight up.
How do you explain a moment – a fleeting instant of purity from a magic wand hovering in the sky? You can’t. You can’t touch what it feels like to be connected. You simply can’t explain love… though we try. And, oh my, do I TRY. My senses take in an instant in time like a Polaroid that doesn’t produce a photo. I have this obsession with recording an instant with a camera – so I can convey the beauty I see – but the moment of experience is what arrests me. Look at a photo and see what I see but you can’t smell a sound or taste the air. You can’t feel the joy bubbling from my heart that I am here…. now… That life is filled with beauty in EVERY moment.
Sunday, one of my students brought this sweet suffering baby into the studio, trying to make his last moments as comfortable as possible. We gathered around him as he seemed to be drifting in and out of consciousness, closing his eyes and tilting his head up to bring more air into his lungs. He was gripping to life.
This made me wonder what happened to bring him to this state. Chances are, he flew head-first into our windows and gave himself a concussion.
As everyone went into class, I took him outside and simply watched him breathe. As I centered into this experience of watching life struggle for life, I was reminded of how many times I have flown head-first into something… how many times I have given myself a concussion of sorts… how many times my perception of what is ahead of me has been skewed by my vision.
I thought about people in my life who are suffering and how much I want to help ease their pain.
I was certain these would be his last moments and I wanted to connect as deeply as I could. I began to breathe with him.
It is in these moments I am reminded of the incredible experience of being connected. Sometimes life gives us a concussion where we can’t connect as deeply as we want and we have to allow our loved ones to breathe with us.
Then I felt a sensation best described as a WHOOSH! as he lifted his head, came to his senses and flew up to the ledge near the window. As I celebrated his life, he flew off beyond the trees with a new lesson under his wings. I walked away from the studio inspired to spread my own wings and dance along the wind to my next life lesson. T h a n k y o u !
“Ring the bells that still can ring
Forget your perfect offering
There is a crack in everything
That’s how the light gets in.”
Vacillate in the contrast
white on white.
Black and white
Dark to light
Dive into grey.
Between fear and Faith
The cross between vision and expectation
Hang me there.
Lift the veil
Tears mourning Hope
Keep the change.
Sacrifice the mind
Fall in the well
A technicolor parachute
turns to grey dreams.
Alone in Creation
Banked on the river of Self Love, she splashes her face.
And then she asked of souls, “One? Two?”
Abiding Peace cleared the path in the foothills
Climb Mountain, offering life line
Stoking fire, undertaking flame.
River as perfume.
Self baptism, soak in wisdom.
Breathe in love
She asks, “Palm to palm as lovers touch, who is this?”
Then the roar came from Mountain’s core, “It’s me. It’s me.”
Mountain abides and answers her call.
Whispering in syncopated breaths, “It’s you. It’s you.”
I used to feel the ghost of people gone by.
Now my senses mate with the essence of me swallowing myself.
Raw, powerful devotion.
The sound of my body’s longing.
Goodbye to the good byes that don’t need a voice.
There is nothing wrong. There is nothing I need to fix. There is nothing I need to change. What’s up with that?
Don’t get me wrong, in the past, I could Zen myself out of any heartbreak or death but this moment is different in that I am aware of the surrender in the present moment. It is beautiful to sit in acceptance of how things are in this very moment… how things are different in this very moment.
I’ve danced between polarities of needing get to the root of my problems to denial of inner monologues as the seed of the tree of suffering from which I plucked the fruit. I am aware of the dichotomy that exists between my former and present selves. Beneath my faith that everything is exactly as it should be was always a fear that things would be better in my life ‘if only…’
Inhaling a specter
Forms dance though mind
Accepting into Being
What do you identify with? Emotions? Thoughts? Titles? Labels? We all struggle to find balance through external mechanisms. We try to balance by holding on to something that changes and fades.
Isn’t it worth noticing that when we identify with the temporary, we suffer? In yoga, we aim to create union and learn to identify with that which does not change. It is a remembering of who we really are… spirit.
I was exposed to death when my hero, Grandpa, died 20 years ago. He was my idea of what a man should be – strong, caring, kind, loving, funny – yet when he died, it was sudden and so easy. I still feel him around me.
I witnessed death face to face when my cat of 14 years, Ebby, died in my arms. It may sound morbid but I feel so grateful to have been there with her as she passed. Watching her take her last breath and her spirit drifting off… I will never forget how that felt.
My grandma, Grace, died on Thursday. Grace… a name so appropriate for this woman. She and I spoke openly and clearly about her death for 10 years, discussing how she was ready to let go. When I visited her the day before her passing, she was unresponsive. As we gather around her bed, surrounding her with love, she came back to life. Her speech was slow to develop but after about 10 minutes, she was talking to me as if nothing was wrong, “Trina, it is so good to be loved.” “Yes, Grandma, it is good to be loved and it is good to love. You can let go now. We will all be fine.”
Letting go – what a beautiful experience. Life is the final attachment we must relinquish and I believe it involves cutting the connection to our bodies, our loved ones, our minds and surrendering to space.
The space between the thoughts.
The source beyond knowing.
The being beyond being.
Feeling the parts of me Grandma directly impacted and pieces of my character Grandpa is directly responsible for make me think of the sum of a human life. We are the result of all our experiences and we hold pieces of loved one within ourselves. Looking back at the people who have loved me and those who I have loved, I am deeply grateful.
Yes, we all experience loss… What we do with it is what matters. Are we going to stay in the darkness of sadness, regret, and shame or are we going to move to light? I’ve lost loved ones from death, divorce, and distance. I am still in the grieving process for many of these lost loves. The process of grief is the same and we end in acceptance. My prayer is that I accept and surrender with gratitude and faith.
I just received a text message from one of my dearest chosen family members: “I bet your grandma is enjoying the view of the fireworks from the clouds.” Yes, I bet she is.
(The photo on this post is a painting I did when I found out a friend of mine lost his mother. This is my expression of the way it feels when you lose someone you love.)
Sometimes the energy of a class spreads to everyone like butter. Tonight was one of those nights – everyone connected to their bodies, to their highest potential, to their dreams. I asked everyone to recall their dreams (not the ones at night, but the ones you fantasize about but don’t share for fear of it being too big). We created space in our hearts to make room for compassion, placed the dreams in our hands and sealed our dreams with our breath.
Tonight’s meditation accessed the Witness and connected us to the light of the full moon. The room was completely still… each person meditating on their Witness brought us to a place where everyone seemed to be breathed by a force greater than all of us combined. WOW – they really went there and it was beautiful!
It was a night I will remember. I’m so grateful – my students make my life so much richer.
So I picked up a book and I thought the man on the front cover was Patanjali himself. I thought, “OK that is what a yogi looks like… long bearded dude in robes sitting with his legs crossed… I get it. The picture seems pretty recent for this ancient system but whatever.” Through self-study, I learned Patanjali is supposed to be the father of yoga, having prescribed what is known as the 8-limbed path of Raja Yoga. Raja (or Royal) Yoga teaches about self-control and discipline as a way to master the mind and attain bliss consciousness in the waking life.
I also learned the dude on the cover wasn’t Patanjali but the man, Sri Swami Satchidananda, who translated the Sutras and gave commentary on the verses.
The first time I read Satchidananda’s translation of the Yoga Sutras, I felt as though I finally understood myself. It was as if his teachings spoke simultaneously to my heart and mind – relaying through words what I had been discovering through my yoga practice. A light bulb went off. There were hundreds of ‘ah ha!’ moments and new ways of looking at my own behaviors and patterns. I finally found a book to help me along my path!
Sat = truth
Chit = consciousness
Ananda = bliss
Yes – I agree. Now I understand why he has that name.
I’ve been looking at going to Yogaville – yes, there is a place called Yogaville – to study at the center set up by Swami Satchidananda for students to further their studies on the path. I even paid my deposit last year and opted not to go. While roaming around through the Yogaville/Integral Yoga website, I came across a documentary about Satchidananda’s life. I found out big names in health care such as Dr. Mehmet Oz and Dr. Dean Ornish have studied Satchidananda’s teachings. Satchidananda spoke at Woodstock per suggestion of world-renowned Pop artist, Peter Max. I met Peter Max at a gallery showing of his work in 2007.
Screw Kevin Bacon – there are now reasons to believe there are six-degrees of separation between you and Satchidananda. That, my friend, is pretty groovy in my opinion!
Sitting on the balcony, chimes infuse my thoughts. The breeze is moist with Spring teasing us. Tapping on leaves, the rain is longing to be grounded. The rain knows it will change and accepts its fate. Do you suppose it ever wonders what the tree must feel like to be so deeply rooted to her mother?
Dancing in the rain… is there a greater goal in life? Freedom calls, at first, as a whisper then in a glorious thunder, erupts to a flow of love.
I want to be a sound… the creation of two objects expressing their connection. The vibration riding through space and gracing human ears as temporary as a first love, yet pulsing to infinity – to the heart of the universe.
Beyond the expression lies the desire to be. Then we desire to become one. Beyond the form lives the soundless.
I am that.
Live for the longing
Live for the longing
Live for the longing
Live for the longing
Live for the longing.
LEARN TO FLY: ARM BALANCES AND INVERSIONS
with Trina Hall
$25 in advance, $35 at the door
Saturday, April 30, 2:30-4:30p
Move Studio in Plano, TX
Have you ever wondered how to move safely into a headstand? What muscles to engage to feel steady in crow? How do they do running man (did you know it was more than a dance from the 90s)?
Why do the yogis do inversions? They increase blood flow to the brain to improve memory, awareness and concentration. Inversions stimulate the lymphatic system to clear toxins and can help counteract depression and mood swings. They help us and make us feel good! In this workshop, we will explore how to safely get into the most common inversions and arm balances. We will learn how to create more strength and feel stable as we surrender to turn our world upside down!
What are the secrets the ancient yogis knew? How do we apply the secrets of yoga and translate that into a happier, more fulfilling life right now?
Discover how yoga supports a connection to your intuitive, Creative self. Go deeper into your practice and find a higher center of awareness and love essential to living the life of your dreams.
This workshop will give you tools to experience a direct connection to a more peaceful version of yourself.
Date: Saturday, March 26, 2011
Where: Gold’s Gym Plano – NE Corner of Park & Preston
One of my greatest joys as a yoga teacher has been meeting new people in my Friday Silver Sneakers Yoga Stretch classes. My goal has been to help these seniors connect and experience their bodies in a new way. We have fun, we laugh, we stretch and we learn about yoga… what could be better??
I developed such a bond with each of these lovely people and I feel so lucky to know them. Their smiles have highlighted my life in a way I will always remember.
It is never easy to leave something you love and it is never easy to say goodbye. I will miss you!!!!
Psssst – there are some more photos Margie Woods Brown took in her blog.
We are listening to that voice inside our hearts that calls us to love and when we act from that place, we always feel better. Love is the best we can give and our highest calling. We all know we are capable of loving and deep down we know we can love all beings fully.
Forgiving is a choice. Forgiving lightens us mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually. It aligns us with our highest self and unites us with our own infinite capacity.
Can you forgive every single person who has ever hurt you? Some people are easy to forgive because, on some level, we feel as though they earned it or deserve forgiveness, but then we have those people who wounded us so deeply we’ve been scarred. Because of the depth of the wounding, we feel it is our right, and even our duty to withhold forgiveness. It makes us feel in control, as we act as judge over someone’s moral behavior.
When we refuse to forgive someone who hurt us, we are the only ones carrying the burden. We are living each day, withholding love. Inside, we know we can act with more dignity and forgive people for their imperfections.
Where I find the practice of forgiveness most challenging and rewarding is when I practice forgiving myself. Hey, big surprise, I’m not perfect. However, there is still a voice inside my head that expects perfection, expects me to know everything, beats me up for not being good enough, etc… the list goes on and on. Aren’t we all that way?
Since we all have that voice inside our heads telling us we need to be perfect and the voice inside our hearts, telling us to love, we have a choice. In every breath we can choose to which voice we listen. That is powerful.
The things we struggle with on the yoga mat are the things we struggle with in our lives. When we approach our practice this month, let’s drop the armor and walk softly to our yoga mat and forgive. Forgive your body for being different than the person you are comparing yourself to. Forgive yourself for falling. Forgive the imperfections. Drop the judgment and open to love. See what happens.
Life is filled with endless opportunities to forgive ourselves and others; endless opportunities to feel better. I hope I see you on the mat so we can practice forgiveness and celebrate love together. Namaste.
Standing in my own shadow, reflected from the moon’s light on Eve’s eve of the full moon, I discovered I stand in my fear. Before this point of solid reflection along the path I walked tonight, I felt the importance of foundation. My lover took my hand as I reluctantly tread across lava graced by the presence of algae, making each step – hand-in-hand – something I questioned. Was this the right step to take? Am I going about this the right way? Is the lighting deceiving me? Fear after fear poured through my never-ending well of guessing to the second degree. I voiced my opinions and desire to be on solid ground – I spoke my truth. Then, in an instant we arrived to his destination and I stood in awe of the experience… standing on hardened lava, the waves rushed in and broke just beyond our vantage point. Fear had enveloped me along this path, like sand around my toes, I wanted to sift through the truth of it all. If water represents emotions, I learned that once I conquer the fear, another emotion will come to shore with a desire to be experienced. It is all the same as long as I don’t assign a label to the experience. I want to live more in the flow and watch how things come and go – they will and I have a choice.
Santosha = Contentment
This reminds me of my favorite symbol of our culture: the smiley face. When you type the smiley, it is a colon, then a dash, followed by a parentheses.
The colon directs us toward the pause inherently expressed in the dash, and the parentheses closes the thought. Our eyes are open as we pause with our mouth closed, smiling at the moment itself.
There is nothing more perfect than a smiley to express my contentment. 🙂
Ever contemplate the “best” route to take when driving somewhere? Today, I dropped all ideas and listened to my intuition to guide me from point A to B. The journey led me to the house I grew up in and the pond that became my sacred place as a child.
All paths lead to the same place, but some roads are more meaningful than others.
My art studio is right off McKinney Ave in Dallas and I hear the trolleys go by every 20 minutes. The sound of the tracks rattling a bass line that knows no time and makes me grateful for now. I got a wild hair and decided to take the trolley to dinner while I reviewed a book on sacred sites around the world. I took my creative process outside and explored my neighborhood.
Some of the highlights:
- Leo, the trolley driver, let me know there are hardly any riders when it is raining and cold. I was one of 12, compared to a normal 200+, on Thursday.
- When light droplets of rain hit an already rain-blanketed surface, they explode like Independence Day.
- (from Delphi) Gaia is the Earth Goddess.
- Ultramarine is the pigment from a metamorphic rock from Afghanistan. That is my favorite blue. It means ‘beyond the sea.’
- The monks at Mount Athos in Greece live a disciplined and ordered life as they strive for perfection. Interesting that we still subscribe to the idea that perfection exists. Then, Like a Virgin by Madonna began to play over the sound system. Funny.
- Sri Pada in Sri Lanka is known as the butterfly mountain because you meet several as you ascend the steep 5,200 steps.
- I read my horoscope when I arrived back at my studio. It said to make travel plans now. 🙂
Don’t get me wrong… I feel grateful to be where I am. There is so much unrealized beauty in Dallas and it is a never-ending well of inspiration.
How do we resolve conflict? I’m practicing disengagement to find my stillness and center. When we are struggling with someone or a situation, perhaps it is best to look at the struggle within. Only in quiet integrity can we approach a situation with stillness, love, acceptance and patience. My mom used to sing to us, “Have patience, have patience, don’t be in such a hurry. When you get impatient, you only start to worry.” Amen, Momma. 🙂
Today, we started another yogic journey at Eastfield College. It is a great privilege to teach people who have never tried yoga because it is like watching a flower bloom… the beauty is beyond measure. The experience inspires awe. As a flower needs sunlight, we need conscious awareness of our bodies. It just takes some love to blossom. It really is all you need.
Yesterday, I asked my kiddos to create a yoga pose out of clay. At first, I gave each only one color of clay and 5 yoga poses to choose from. Essentially, I asked them to be creative and put them in a box, thus stripping away their creative license. Then, I gave them more colors and more poses to create their masterpiece and creativity flowed! We learned that inspiration comes more easily when there is freedom in the creation process.